just thought i'd wish you all a great, creative, inspired etc etc 2011...

have a good one!

sp forums is kinda like the jehova witness cult, we dont celebrate nothin but mix tape release dates. haha just messin, merry 2011

Happy New Year guys! I'm trying to really have a progressive year. I just turned 23 on the 29th so it's my Jordan year and everything. Gotta do it up big lol.

Unfortunately yesterday I found out one of my best friends who I've kind of been estranged from off and on for the past 2 years passed. She was going through some things emotionally and was trying to break into the industry. Only chick I could relate to hip hop-wise. I was talking to her mom yesterday and apparently she had been acting erratic, dipping to NY unannounced and just a lot of weird stuff. This past summer she kind of snapped and cut me and a few more of her old, closest friends off. Her mom said she had some kind of obsession with "making it" first and then reconnecting with us. They found her body behind a building and it looked as if she jumped. She apparently was supposed to be going to Miami or something with some guys from a studio nearby. I don't know the whole story yet, but that's what they're getting from bits and pieces. No one knows anything really because she completely shut down and wouldn't tell anyone what she was doing or who she was rolling with. She hid her luggage nearby so I dunno, to me it seems like she went on top the building to chill and wait for the studio cats or something and meant to come back for her stuff but she fell. She always thought she was invincible and I can totally imagine her sitting on the edge of the rooftop on some ish.

We used to host a radio show together, went digging together, she was with me when I bought my first deck, when I met Madlib and almost broke out in tears (I used to have a crush on him when I was in my teens ), I produced an album for her...so much stuff..*sniff sniff*. I'm so embarrassed, this is so out of character for me to be coming out my face like this, especially on a message board, but I can't help it, I'm sorry. I can't believe that now, she's never going to hear my new stuff, I'm never going to hear hers as she had started producing as well.... I'm never going to see her again or be able to do whatever I could try to do to fix our relationship. She had a lot of issues but I can't help but feel like I could have done more, even though when I think about it logically, she wasn't really trying to hear anything unless it went along with what she wanted to do anyway. Yesterday was stress. I went from not knowing if it was her they found to knowing she died, then hearing about what she looked like at the coroners, having some broken telephone cat make me thing she was actually murdered because of the bruises they heard she had in the morgue to hearing she committed suicide. I was thinking about it late last night and came to the conclusion that I think she fell. That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is work out what needs to be worked out in your life and tell the people you care about that you love them. Because something can always happen and it may be too late.

Every night in 2011, I'm trying to lay my head on my pillow with no regrets and no unspoken words swirling around in my brain.

Sorry! Repost**

Sorry! Repost**

I feel you Mecha, no need for apologies. Its painful to know that you'll begin a new year without your best friend. I grew up with alot of cats whom I thought will be with me til the day I die, but now I walk alone and keep those old friends as memories. Life goes on and so should you, not saying to forget her, because maybe everytime you dig, you'll remember those times, but just saying to keep your head up and be strong in anything you do. As long she remains in your heart, she'll always be with you. A good friend is hard to find but when he/she is found, its a great thing, just that its so painful when they're gone.

Happy New Year to all my SP heads!!!

edit delete was ranting about myself

Happy Newyear SP-heads!

happy new beats!