Jokes!

[IIIII]

I've been making live recordings of the mouse in my house, the album is called Field Mice.

Actually I've been recording actual field mice at the park and making some great House music.

Really though I lost power at my home and I'm just recording sounds with a battery operated tape recorder. The genre is "Dark House"

[r4ph431]

What a creative approach!

Just throw in some slowed down Biggie samples and rhodes keys and u might be onto something.

[SolBlackHands]

Collaboration with www.domyessay.net has left a deep mark on my understanding of quality writing. Their essay for sale online is a real work of art, translating ideas into words with incredible ease. With each paper, I could feel how the authors dive into the essence of the topic and turn it into an engaging narrative. Responsiveness and attention to detail are their strengths. On rare occasions, deadlines may stretch a bit, but the result is always worth it.

[SP-USER]

A Koala Bear enters a brothel, picks-out the hottest girl and heads upstairs with her. He's up there eating her out for an hour or so, then suddenly finishes up and heads for the door.

"Hey, hang on a minute, you can't just leave, you need to pay me first!" said the hooker.

Looking kinda confused the Koala Bear asked "Why do I need to pay you?"

At this point the hooker pulled out a dictionary, looked-up the definition of "Hooker" and showed it to the confused Koala Bear.

"Ah, I see." said the Koala Bear.
"I think you'd better look-up the definition of Koala Bear, too, young lady."

"Definition of Koala Bear:
An Australian native animal that eats bushes and leaves."

[IIIII]

What did the nickel say to the quarter?






Fuck you George Washington!!

[Danswift]

Why did the chicken cross the road ?


To avoid the chicken fucker....

[SP-USER]

- When a man talks dirty to a woman, he's charged with indecency!
- When a woman talks dirty to a man, he's charged £2.50 per minute!

[SP-USER]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-a-lotta-puss.

[SP-USER]

Desperate to find herself the right kind of man, a women placed an ad in the local newspaper, putting a emphasis on the qualities she seeks in her ideal man:

- Must not hit me!
- Must not run away from commitment!
- Must be able to satisfy my intense sexual appetite!

Three months passed and not a single response was received, until one day, her doorbell was rang by a man with no arms and no legs:

Hey, I hope you don't mind me dropping by, but I saw your ad and really wanted to meet you because I think I'm your ideal man!

But you have no arms!
Sure, but that means I can't hit you, right?

You got me there, but you have no legs, either!
Yeah, but that means I can't run away from commitment!

Well alright then, and what about my intense sexual appetite?
Guess how I rang the doorbell?

You'll be pleased to hear their relationship continues to thrive!

[SP-USER]

From your accent I'm guessing you two lovely ladies must be from Scotland, am I right?

Wales.

Alright, so you whales are from Scotland, right?

[Green Dutch]

I one time put ginger in the pasta for dinner and my mom got so upset she kicked me out the house.

...she loved that cat.

[Headphones]

So Superman is flying over Metropolis. He sees Wonderwoman stark naked with her legs spread out, sun bathing on top of the roof of a building. Superman gets horny and thinks to himself “I could fly over so fast, have a quickie, and be out before she notices!”

So he divebombs right over, shoves his cock out, fucks really fast, busts his nut, and zooms off. WonderWoman blurts out “What the fuck was that???”. The Invisible man says “I dunno, but DAMN my ass hurts!!!”

[SP-USER]

I one time put ginger in the pasta for dinner and my mom got so upset she kicked me out the house.

...she loved that cat.

Heh, that joke reminds me of the way my dad used to joke around at the dinner table when we were kids. If we were eating anything even remotely Chinese releated, a grin would creep across his face we sort of knew what was coming next, which was ...

"Those Chinks (slang for Chinese), they'll eat anything that walks, flys, swims or crawls - anything." Then he'd look over at the dog who would often be sat at the table on a stool I sometimes used to put there, and he'd say to the dog "And I don't know what you're looking at, they'd have you fried, covered in soy sauce and eaten without even thinking about it!"

The dog would even repsond to that with a subdued growl sometimes

So Superman is flying over Metropolis. He sees Wonderwoman stark naked with her legs spread out, sun bathing on top of the roof of a building. Superman gets horny and thinks to himself “I could fly over so fast, have a quickie, and be out before she notices!”

So he divebombs right over, shoves his cock out, fucks really fast, busts his nut, and zooms off. WonderWoman blurts out “What the fuck was that???”. The Invisible man says “I dunno, but DAMN my ass hurts!!!”

Ah man, I absolutely love Wonder Woman, and that's a "cracking" joke bruh

[kel]

I got an SP for my wife. Best deal ever!

[SP-USER]

Hey honey, the doctor said that for a 45-year-old I have the breasts of an 18-year-old!
Oh yeah, and what did he say about your 45-year-old ass?
Nothing, you never came up in conversation.