Lost my best friend

[Headphones]

Wassup SP Family. I’ve had a crazy week. Found out one of my best friends of 20 years passed away. I met him at this rave, and we hit it off immediately. We went to crazy parties, smoked a mountain of weed, lots of pills, acid, shrooms, etc. We didn’t collaborate on music, and he ONLY listened to Drum N Bass. I wasn’t exclusively just one style of music enjoyment, but it didn’t matter. But, the sad thing was, he was slowly going blind. Imagine your field of vision is the size of a small button on both your eye sockets. He slowly could see about that much, and I hate saying it, but it made me hang out with him less & less. I got caught up with work, and I took my life for granted, while his must have gotten worse, and more lonely.

He once got brain cancer, but he beat it over 9 years ago. So I figured he would be ok. However, lately he was vomiting a lot, due to the summer heat. My friend would call him daily. But she had spoken to him last Friday. All Saturday & Sunday nobody could reach him. The medics didn’t do a welfare check until Tuesday where they found him on his couch. She had gotten there to visit him to see why he wasn’t answering calls/texts, and a neighbor told her he had died. She reached out to me Wednesday and I left work early to help clean his mobile home with her. We were both in shock he was gone.

Now I have this guilt, that I stopped calling him or coming over to smoke him out. I feel like such a asshole right now. But I keep telling myself he’s dancing at the big drum n Bass party in the sky, smoking a blunt, and no longer sick or blind.

Life is short people. Learn my lesson well. If you got a old friend you’ve been avoiding or just to busy to see, at least call them. See how they’re doing. Tell them what their friendship has meant to you. I no longer can. I’ve got to try and organize a memorial for him ASAP, but I’m processing the fact he’s really dead. He wasn’t exactly happy though, but I can’t blame him on that. But he lived for his music. He even went to the UK a couple times and met ravers there into that scene.

I know this post isn’t about SPs, DAWS, Beats, etc. But it is about reality. My friend was stubborn and didn’t ask for help. The cops think he died of natural causes but we disagree and think there must be more to it than that. But my friend has adopted his cat, and I refused to take anything that belonged to him. I got the memories. That’s all I need.

Take care of yourselves people.

RIP Mel Bills

[ghost bazz]

Damn, that’s rough. Sorry to hear that man. Good message to share.

[CAPTAIN SPACE KARATE]

Sorry for your loss brother.
Thanks for posting such a strong and positive message. Its a sad truth that life demands so much time and effort just to maintain, that people can so easily drift apart.

[zindan]

r.i.p.
my condolences for your loss

not trying to be cold, but i wish i had your issue
i'm the neglected friend that people drift away from lmao
i hold my real friends close
i've been used and stabbed in the back by people that were supposed to be my "brother" really a plethora of people
the few people that can actually call me their friend know how loyal and empathetic i am
probably has a lot to do with hating myself, i don't care about making myself happy, i try to make everyone else happy because that's the only thing that will bring me joy
humans are selfish, greedy, conniving, unfeeling animals for the most part
i've never been able to relate to that mindset of self-adulation and hedonism

i digress,

life is loss
every day every moment every breath you are losing before you can even realize it
yesterday is intangible
the hairs shedding off my aging head are gone forever
after you light the cigarette, before you know it, it's a butt
and at what cost?
it's hard to accept this cold truth, and life seems like it's not worth shit, not worth living, at times
dealing with the loss of my mother, i have many regrets
no one wouldn't
don't carry that weight on your shoulders, it's too heavy and burdening
forgive yourself
please, don't beat yourself up over this

[gis_sweden]

Thanks for sharing.
And sorry for you loss

[elfridaauston87]

Sorry, to hear about your friend.

[Headphones]

Hi gang,

Not much to report. Haven’t found much time for beat making, and I’m trying to just keep motivated. Picked up a MS-1 & PO33, but can’t find the time to sit down with them and learn how to use them effectively. I’m sure I’ll be ok. But I do miss my buddy.