smh someone tell me whatta do

[zendanisdead]

I'm sorry man, you're definitely going thru some shit. Coming down off opiates makes the depression worse as well. & when things in life get fucked up it makes you want to use even more.
I know you're having a hard time with inspiration, but sometimes putting all that pain into your music helps. Anything to keep you busy & get you out of your head. Try replacing bad thoughts with good thoughts, even if it doesn't seem like there's a lot of good in life. There's always something. You're young. You're alive. You found a passion in life..... most people go there whole life without finding something they truly love to do.
Things will get better. Things will get easier.

i've been telling myself the same shit for years that shit will get better and that i'm ok but nothing is good and i'm sick of waiting
i'm going to be honest i'm planning on killing myself

[Sharris]

I know how you feel & have been in the same place, actually when I was your age (I'm 38 now). Even knowing that things could get better didn't help because all I could think is I don't want to live in a world like this. But it's just your mind fucking with you. & I'll be honest when you get to that dark of a place, when your soul is full of dread, it takes a little time to get out of it.....instead of saying it will get better, I'll say it CAN get better. It's up to you. Think about it this way. All this pain you're feeling, you're doing it to yourself. You have the power to control your emotions & thoughts. You can feel any way you want to. & I know it's easier said than done, but it's SOOOO true. Bad things might be going on around you, but it doesn't mean you have to feel bad inside. AAAAAHHHH....so many things I want to say to try to help. It just doesn't work on a forum. But believe me when I say you have the power to control your emotions & thoughts & you can be happier than you've ever been even when bad things are going on around you. And there are good things in life. So much beauty. You deserve to live. You deserve to be happy.

[Sweat One]

There's so much to say about this. She's right, zendan. It's not your time, brother. All the bad shit and pain you have experienced in your life can be useful. It can be fire to fuel your soul. When I was going though all that, I was ready to die. I came to the point where I had to choose 1 of 2 paths. One path continued with my self destruction, which was easy because I was already on route. The other path was the harder one, me coming to terms with myself. I had to realize that it wasn't just bad shit happening to me, in a cause and affect way, it was more that I was contributing to the bad shit. It was part of me, not just happening to me. I wanted to forgive people for doing bad things to me (I was being cheated on also), I wanted to forgive the people that died, but I never thought about forgiving myself. And that was it, I had to forgive myself for allowing people to treat me wrong, or allowing myself to be in situations where I could be treated wrong, and I had to forgive myself for treating me wrong. And the rest of the world didn't seem as intimidating when I realized no one will ever hate me, as much as I hated myself. That made me stronger, because no one could wrong me worse than I could my own self. Please try to forgive yourself, you deserve it.

I don't know where this quote originates from, but I got it from Buddy Wakefield, a spoken word poet. His work helped me through a lot of dark times, but it goes - "Forgiveness is the release of ALL hope for a better past."

[KIYANI]

the thing that keeps me going is always knowing that i can make a change whenever i want. And anyone can do that.

[Ill Green]

Put that pain into your music, you will feel much better after. Music changed my life and why I am here today instead of buried in a cold grave with the maggots. You got something, do not let it go. You don't wanna know death, I don't care how cool some peeps make it sound, the life you living now is what counts. Death will only give you a lonely room with nothing inside but your own thoughts gloaming over when you were alive. There are no SPs in the eternal prison.

[booyungg]

DRUGS

not heroin tho wtf guy

[Sharris]

Ill Green wrote: Music changed my life and why I am here today instead of buried in a cold grave with the maggots.

Same here, it changed my life...........it saved my life........
Beat making just happened to fit me in a lot of ways. No matter how long I do it, I can still learn things, I can still challenge myself, it fills my creative side & my analytical side, I can lose myself in it. It got me clean (well except weed, but whatever, all the shit I've done in my life, the fact that I only smoke weed makes me happy), making beats finally made me happy, without needing someone else to make me happy. It filled the hole. It gave me purpose, even if it's just having fun & making music, it gave me something to really live for. It's crazy how just making music can do so many things. Maybe because it brought me so much happiness. It made me look at the world & myself with different eyes.

I'm glad Zendan posted, I was a little worried this weekend.