Sampler Possessed - Please Help

[star_tsar]

I recently bought a new 404sx after wanting one since before grape soda had bubbles. I perused these fantastic forums and gleaned your wisdom, post by post, sometimes theatrically performing them in the voices I imagine you have.

Yesterday my sampler began doing strange things. I took a shower and left the TV on, and when I returned, dripping all over my roommate's stuff, I found that the 404sx sampled every TV channel in my absence. We have 437 channels. The sampler doesn't even have an SD card. Chills.

Then last night I came home from work and found the 404 in the bathtub, covered in blood and bits of hair. I found a fingernail in the drain. Not a fingernail clipping, a whole fingernail. Now that I think about it, my roommate hasn't been home in two days. Is that his wallet on the table? Oh my God.

I'm beginning to fear for my life. That's why I registered with this forum just now. Ten minutes ago the sampler began playing the violin chops from Psycho. It was unplugged, had no batteries, and I fucking never sampled Hitchcock.

Anyone know a priest? (I live in Brooklyn.) Please hurry before my beats disembowel me in 4/4 time.

http://soundcloud.com/star_tsar

[Dj_just_jeff]

Impressive first post. Welcome. I have never heard of a sp mangling humans, just audio.

[star_tsar]

Thank you! Hope I'm around long enough to reap the benefits. If someone from this account starts posting in Latin, please alert the police. Not that the cops have any jurisdiction over Satan.

[Rabot]

My 404 and I constantly have discussion about french writers and play chess together. I don,t know what's wrong with yours tho. Welcome punk.

[star_tsar]

Thanks, Rabot. I don't dare play games with my SP. I can already tell from its technical swagger that it would demolish me in any game other than Tic Tac Toe.

[Rabot]

Also, remember that your SP's brain is limited by it's SDHC card. If you pop up a 32gb and start listening to some punk rock, it might automaticly turn into travis barker or some shit.

[thx]

exorcist in your zone:
http://www.spiritdepossession.com/
Spirit Depossession, Etheric Clensing, Parasite Removal, Spirit Releasement in NYC

welcome

[thx]

oppsss

[star_tsar]

@thx The audio clip on that landing page is ripe for sampling. Creepy voice: "Read the webpage. Find the solution." This guy is ridiculously off. Somebody else should sample it. My 404 is still unpredictable.

I've started feeding my SP small rodents and birds. Samples play normal again. Pads, though gummed with blood and clumps of fur, no longer bite my fingers when triggered. Still haven't figured out how to keep the 404 from levitating 8 inches off my desk. Bungee cords stretch and snap, rope burns away. It's harder to play when it's floating. Any recommendations?

Another concern -- There's now an MFX 25 appearing at the bottom of my list of effects, and it's labeled "Necroharmonica." I'm afraid to try it. Nothing in the manual about this one. I swear it wasn't there last night.

[Rabot]

I've read in the undeadsampler.com forum about that. it's pretty strange, actually no one ever posted a track after they said they'd try it.

maybe you could try to strap it down and press the remain button for like 5 second. that should do the trick for the levitation thing.

[Heat Vision]

shit happened to mine a long time ago.

[star_tsar]

No dice. The "REMAIN" button was at some point replaced with a "HUMAN REMAINS" button, and there's no way I'm pushing that.

Do you think sampling some gospel might help? Maybe if I chop up Mahalia Jackson, it'll either pacify the thing or draw the demon out. I'm only assuming it's possessed by a demon, because all signs point in that direction. Plus it has name-checked Paris Hilton like six times. (I suppose that could mean it's just possessed by Lil B. Doubt it, though. Not positive enough.)

If this persists, I might have to move out of this apartment and leave the SP-404SIXSIXSIX behind, because I certainly don't know how to destroy it. Roommate still hash't turned up, but his rent check was on the counter today so I assume he's safe. Looks like the red pen he used was broken, because there are ink spots all over the check. Kinda messy. Hope the landlord doesn't mind.

[jetson]

Funny, mine just mocks me. As if it is daring me to turn it on. Apparently it was not designed to sit idle.

[thx]

@thx The audio clip on that landing page is ripe for sampling. Creepy voice: "Read the webpage. Find the solution." This guy is ridiculously off. Somebody else should sample it. My 404 is still unpredictable.

for real!

[thx]

funny thread