Have you heard about the man with five penis's ??

- He's trousers fit like a glove.

ok here's another, this time Disney related:

Mickey Mouse walks into the court house one day hoping to finalize his divorce to Minnie.

He walks up to the judge and says, "So is my divorce final yet?"

The judge tells him; " I’m sorry Mickey I can’t grant you a divorce from Minnie just because you think she’s crazy it wouldn’t be right"

Mickey looks at him a little puzzled. "I never said she was crazy I said she was Fucking’ Goofy!"


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Please post some funny jokes! (not too long ones tho!)

Can they be offensive?

A non offensive jokes...

Why are pirates called pirates? Because they Aaaarrrre

Haha.. that pirate thing.. I don't know, be your own judge about the jokes. Personally I don't mind (I'm a very respectful guy still!)

Did you hear about the guy who had his left side blown off?

He was all right.

Whys is 6 so scared?

Because 7 8 9

-2 cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "hey, does this taste funny to you?"


-What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

he wipes his ass


-how many pallbearers are needed at an "insert nationality" funeral?


2, a garbage can only has 2 handles

what did one tampon say to the other tampon???
nothing there stuck up bitches hahahahahaha!

Q: Why did the sampler cross the road?
A: The chicken had the day off

wtf,lol..I was thinking about the appropriateness of "what did jeffery dahmer do when he broke up with his girlfriend? Wiped his ass"....Right when I came to Juxts'

Well maybe not totally political correct but nonetheless:

How many non-disabled people to you need to replace a broken light bulb?

- One.

Got it from Jimmy from Southpark

The dog walks into the post office and asks the postmaster "Can I please arrange a telegram?" The postmaster responds "Yeah sure, what do you want it to say?". So the dog says "Woof woofwoof woof. Woof woof WOOF! Woofwoofwoof." The postmaster notes it all down and says "You know you can fit in an extra 'woof' for the same price." The dog looks offended- "But then it won't make any sense!".

Descartes walks into a bar, the barman turns to him and says "Hey Descartes, do you want a drink?". Descartes thinks for a second, "I think not!" Then disappears.

Q: Why didn't the lifesaver rescue the hippy?
A: Because he was too far out, man!

Q: How many bass players does it take to switch a lightbulb?
A: Six. One to change the bulb, five to stop the guitarist from hogging the light.

Q: How many bass players does it take to switch a lightbulb?
A: None. Get the keyboard player to use his left hand

Q: What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer

The drummer walks into a library & says to the librarian "Dude, I'd like a cheeseburger, large fries and a coke." The librarian goes "Shhh. Don't you know where you are? This is a library!" So the drummer, embarrassed, whispers "Dude, I'd like a cheeseburger, large fries and a coke."

Q: Why was the drummer stoked when he completed the jigsaw puzzle in 6 months?
A: The box said '3 to 5 years'

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?
A: The pizza can feed a family of four

A man goes on holiday/vacation to Africa, gets off the plane & hear this distant tribal drumming. He asks the nearest person "What's with the drums?" The answer is "Drums. Very bad if drums stop." Wherever the man goes, he hears the drums. A few more times he asks why & gets the same answer. Then one day the drums stop. The locals look worried. Panic is about to erupt. The man asks "What happens next?", this time the answer is "Very bad! Now comes bass solo!"

Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and squirming around looking real hot.

Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell, I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole' in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her. After all he is Superman. So, in he goes, wham-bam and he's out of there.

Wonder Woman knew something happened and says, "What was that?" The invisible man says, "I don't know but, damn, is my ass sore."

How did the cave man buy good's and services??

He simply wrote some tyrannosaurus checks

Do you know why dogs lick their balls?










Because they're salty

Why is my SP-404 upset with me?

I keep pushing its buttons

lmfao

Q: how many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: fish.

OR:

Q: how many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: two - one to hold the giraffe the other to fill the bathtub with jello.