So a Junkie and Genius are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus.

GENIUS: Hey, let's play a game. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer you give me 10$, and then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer I'll give you 100$ ! How's that?

JUNKIE: k.

GENIUS: What's 'double slit experiment ', and measurement problem in quantum physics?

JUNKIE: dunno man (gives him 10$)

GENIUS: Ok, go on then, ask me a question.

JUNKIE: What kind of animal walks around on all four, except when climbing up the hill when it walks on two legs upstraight, but has been known even to jump and fly off the cliff?

GENIUS: (thinking for several minutes, covertly googling on smartphone) I give up man, I dunno.
(gives Junkie 100$)
So? What kind of animal is it?

JUNKIE: dunno man (gives him 10$)

A family are travelling by car when all of a sudden a dildo falls out of the garbage truck in front and hits their windshield with a thud.

The mother, attempting to spare her boy's innocence said:
"Don't worry dear, it was only an insect."

To which the boy replied:
"Wow, I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock as big as that!"

This joke ain’t very nice to disabled people so hopefully none of you are.

So there’s this kinda overweight woman with small hands & feet in a electric wheelchair. It’s a nice summer day, and she goes to the beach. It’s crowded, but she sees all these couples kissing as they play in the surf & sand. But, it makes her sad, so she starts crying….

A surfer dude comes up to her and asks “What’s wrong??”, “I’m seeing all these couples kissing, but nobody ever kisses me….”. Feeling bad for her, he gives her a quick kiss, and she stops sobbing. He sees a huge wave, and apologizes as he grabs his surf board to go catch a wave.

So she goes up the beach & sees all these couples hugging, and she gets sad and starts crying. Another guy approached her to ask what’s wrong? And she complains all these couples are hugging, and wishes someone would hug her. He feels bad for her, and gives her a gentle embrace. But he apologizes because him & his friends are all headed home. So even though she felt somewhat better, she’s left alone again.

Then she takes her Electric wheelchair to the nude beach. And besides a few nude men or women sunbathing, there’s some couples fucking on the beach. And of course it makes her sad and she starts crying again. This naked black dude asks her what’s wrong? “I’m seeing all these naked people screwing, and I just wanna get screwed…..”. He lifts her out of the wheelchair, tosses her in the ocean and says “You got no arms, no legs, I’d say you’re screwed now!!!!”

Quasimodo is seen running down the street with a bunch of angry kids chasing after him.
Quasi shouts ... Leave me alone, I haven't got your fucking ball!!!

You have to see that one to truly appreciate it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ivZxnqCiFE

I saw a poor old lady fall down the steps today. It was really sad.
I mean I think she was poor, she only had $1.50 on her.

Two cows in a field having a chat:

One cow says to the other "Hey, I hope we don't catch Mad Cow disease!"
The other cow replies "Nah, no chance of that happening, and anyway it doesn't effect me."

"I'm a duck!"